Friends will be friends

As we get older, we start removing people from our busy lives (and we also get removed). There’s nothing good or bad about that. It seems natural, when I think about my parents and friends’ parents, I don’t recall them having thousands of friends but a selected few.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the idea of friends being there in good and bad times. Real bad times (if you are lucky and luckily healthy) are relatively scarce or at least not continuous, by definition. Uncomfortable times though, are on the rise in our big-city lifestyles.

So, with solid ethics and a given moral, I assume you’ll be there for anyone in a bad moment. But what about uncomfortable ones? Do you make it to the other end of town for lunch or keep re-scheduling? Do you avoid meeting them often because of their spouse that you don’t actually like? Do you still do small favours and do you still expect or request them?

The issue is not whether to do the right thing in the face of big occassions. The issue is to show up when it’s simply uncomfortable, whether to expect them to show up or not. The issue is discerning if life’s discomfort is stronger than your intent to show up and knowing whether discomfort is trying to tell you you are done here.

We’ve more tools than ever to wave at each other but choosing to connect and to be vulnerable is still a leap. There’s a difference between discomfort and pain. The magic is in giving things a shot and in placing bets.

Bets are not the same as orders. Many people have stop-loss orders in their friendships as if they were stocks.

I’m grateful for you showing up. Thanking is my bet. No stop-loss required, I’ll be there.


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